i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
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I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
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You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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