Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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