it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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