Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
