I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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