I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
