i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm passing your future prison.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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