i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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