He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
