coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
