Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
