She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
