i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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