im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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