I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
