the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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