Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
