i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So many bounce houses so little time
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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