my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
