Buhtt sex?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
