hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
where am i from again
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
