Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
