Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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