No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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