I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
