Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
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