so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
