I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
