just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize