i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
