i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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