Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Damn victory sex feels great
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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