apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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