the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
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So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
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Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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