Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
