im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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