everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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