I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
