like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
