dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
