I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
