Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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