I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
