i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
