okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
