There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
