Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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