so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
