Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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