I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
