just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
