there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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