you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It was a blind-side dick pic.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
