The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
