U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
