The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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