you turned your livingroom into a bong?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
