I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
