Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The Olympian is in my bed
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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