We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
