We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
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I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
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Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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