is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
