I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
