Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
