Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
