my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
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