She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
