so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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